


Odds Are Even Better

by slightlytookish



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Blind Date, F/M, M/M, Merlin Modern AU, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-08
Updated: 2011-06-08
Packaged: 2017-10-20 06:04:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/209551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slightlytookish/pseuds/slightlytookish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gwaine goes on a series of awkward blind dates and wonders when, exactly, did his life get so complicated?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Odds Are Even Better

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Gwaine Quest using [prompt #3](http://pics.livejournal.com/junkshop_disco/pic/0000q163), a picture of a bar decorated with skulls. Many thanks to **leashy_bebes** for the Britpick and beta. Any remaining mistakes are my own.

They'd only been at The Grinning Heads for three minutes and twenty-two seconds when Vivian started complaining.

Not that Gwaine was counting, of course.

"This is hideous," she said, frowning at the wood-panelled walls as though they had personally done her harm. "Why did you bring me here?"

Gwaine blinked and wondered if it was too early to make a run for it. And then, because he always did have a fondness for impossible situations, he decided to try and salvage the (increasingly dismal) evening somehow. "I... thought it seemed like an interesting place."

"It isn't." Vivian ran her fingers across the top of the table and flicked away an imaginary piece of dust. "It's vulgar and common and it offends me deeply."

By now her voice had grown loud enough to attract disapproving glares from the people sitting nearby. Gwaine gave them an apologetic smile but Vivian was just getting started.

"You-" she snapped her fingers at a passing waiter to get his attention. "Bring me some water. Make sure it's in a clean glass. I also want another chair; this one is wobbly. Find me a new one. What are you waiting for? Go!" She shooed him away before turning back to Gwaine and wrinkling her nose in apparent disgust. "What's that in your hand?"

"A rose for my lady," he said with all the charm he could muster. It wasn't up to his usual standard but that was probably because he was too busy dreaming of new and interesting ways to kill Arthur for putting him through this.

Vivian accepted the flower and gave it a brief glance before letting it fall to the table. "It's wilting," she said. "And I hate the colour pink." She looked Gwaine up and down and sighed, sounding hopelessly disappointed. "I suppose I can make something of you. You'll have to shave that awful beard, of course, and cut your hair."

Arthur was a dead man.

"What are those horrible things?" Vivian asked, turning her attention to the bar. "Are they - are they actually _skulls_?"

"Yes," Gwaine said, hiding his gritted teeth behind a smile. "I believe it's a new experimental piece called 'Blind Dates Gone Bad.' Fitting, isn't it?"

Vivian narrowed her eyes. "I suppose you think that's funny."

Her face was turning a remarkable shade of red but Gwaine didn't let that stop him. "It looks like there's even room for a couple more. What do you say, princess, shall we volunteer? Because I don't think things could get any worse tonight."

"I'm not your princess," she snapped, standing so quickly that her chair took one last enormous wobble and toppled over with a clatter. The waiter, who had returned with two glasses of water, took one look at Vivian's enraged face and scurried away. A hush fell over their corner of the bar as people craned their necks to see what the commotion was.

Ignoring them all, Gwaine leaned back in his chair, folded his hands behind his head, and grinned. "Thank God for small favours."

"How dare you insult me?"

"Very easily."

"You - you _beast_!" Vivian stamped her foot like a small child. "Take me home at once!"

No words had ever sounded sweeter to Gwaine's ears. "With pleasure, _princess_."

*

"Which would you prefer," Gwaine asked when Arthur phoned him the following afternoon. "Death by sword, trebuchet, or a good old push out of the window?"

"Sword. It's neater," Arthur replied, and Gwaine could already hear the knowing smile in his voice. "It was that bad, huh?"

Later, after Gwaine described his date from hell and Arthur howled with laughter until he cried and had to put Gwaine on hold so he could find some tissues, he returned to the phone still snickering and said, "Good work. That should get Vivian off my back for a while."

Gwaine raised an eyebrow even though he knew Arthur couldn't see it. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well," Arthur said slowly, "she wouldn't take the hint that I wasn't interested. I didn't know how else to get rid of her so I figured I'd set her up with you. With any luck, she probably hates us both so much now that she'll never bother me again."

Gwaine groaned and let his head smack against the wall. "Sometimes _I_ really hate you."

"You _love_ me. And you'll love me even more when I make it up to you."

"By willingly flinging yourself out of the window?"

"No, you idiot. I'm setting you up on another date."

"You're the idiot if you think I'm falling for that again."

"This one will be better," Arthur said. "Her name is Gwen and she's a great girl, very sweet and friendly. Nothing at all like Vivian. You'll like her, I promise."

"I don't think this is a good idea-"

"You're right; it's a great one. Let's say same time, same place next week, shall we? I'll give Gwen a ring right now and let her know. Cheers, Gwaine!"

Arthur hung up without waiting for an answer. Gwaine glared at his mobile for a moment before firing off a quick text.

_I'm signing up for sword-fighting lessons. Consider yourself warned._

Arthur's response was a simple, infuriating _:D_ that made Gwaine smack his head against the wall once more for good measure.

*

Gwen was sweet and friendly and just as lovely as Arthur had described. She seemed genuinely pleased by the rose Gwaine gave her and even let him put it in her hair. She smiled easily and didn't harass the waiter and she would have been the perfect date if she wasn't also completely uninterested in him.

As her gaze once more drifted to the bar, Gwaine followed it and discovered a man peeking at Gwen just as furtively over the top of his beer. He took a moment to feel sorry for himself - the guy was gorgeous and if the circumstances were different (and he wasn't so obviously besotted with Gwen) Gwaine would've given it a go with him - before he hauled himself up and made his way over to the bar.

The man stood as he approached, probably expecting a fight, and seemed a little bewildered when Gwaine shook his hand instead and asked him for his name.

"Lance."

"Nice to meet you, Lance. I'm Gwaine. There's someone who'd like to meet you." He dragged him over to the table where Gwen was watching them warily and pushed Lance into the chair.

"This is Gwen. And Gwen, this is Lance. Give me your hands." He kissed Gwen's - and Lance's just because he could - before joining them together.

He stepped back from the table and surveyed their startled faces with a pleased smile. "My work here is done." He grabbed his jacket, gave a silly bow, and left the bar still grinning.

*

"His name is Lance-a-lot." Arthur complained on the phone the next day. "What kind of a ridiculous name is that?"

Gwaine shrugged. "How does the saying go? 'A rose by any other name-'"

"Ugh. Must you quote poetry?"

"Let's just say that with the way Lance looks, he could be called something terrible like 'Arthur' and no one would mind."

"Hey!"

Gwaine was so busy laughing that he almost didn't hear what Arthur said next.

"I can't believe I went through the trouble of setting up a nice evening for you only for you to hand over your date to someone else. What the hell were you thinking?"

"I was thinking that I could never stand in the way of true love."

"Ugh. You're so disgustingly noble sometimes."

"Like you wouldn't do the same," Gwaine said, grinning, because for all his talk there were few people more disgustingly noble than Arthur.

Not that Arthur would ever admit it. "That's not the point," he said stiffly.

"Is there a point?"

"The point, _Gwaine_ , is you. Vivian, all right, that was a bit of a mess all around. Gwen seems happy so I suppose you did the right thing with her and Lance. But that doesn't explain why you're always looking for excuses to end things before they even begin."

"I don't. Things just... don't work out all the time."

"Because you're always looking for a _way_ out."

"That's not true."

Arthur sighed then, as if he were truly despairing of Gwaine. "You've been running for so long that you don't even realise you're doing it anymore."

Gwaine didn't know what to say to that.

Arthur sighed again and said he had to meet Morgana for dinner. For the second week in a row Gwaine found himself glaring at his mobile long after Arthur had hung up.

"Typical Arthur," he muttered. Arthur never could stand it when things didn't go exactly according to his plan, and was just as likely to rage about it as he was to go off in a sulk, as he'd done today.

But there was another part of Gwaine that kept returning to his words, worrying at them like a dog with a bone, because he knew deep down that Arthur was right and he did hide behind walls of his own creation. He'd learned early on in life that it was easier to walk away than to be the one that got left behind.

He jammed his phone in his pocket, suddenly feeling annoyed with himself, only to have to dig it out a moment later when it rang again. "Hello?" he said, knowing he sounded grumpy but not caring all that much.

"Um... Gwaine? Hello? It's Gwen."

"Gwen! Hi!" He rubbed at his eyes and tried to recover some of the good mood he'd been in before Arthur phoned him.

"I got your number from Arthur. I hope that's all right?"

She sounded so hesitant that Gwaine couldn't help but smile and try to put her at ease. "Of course! How are things going with Lance? I hope you brought him home with you last night. You did, didn't you?"

There was a pause before Gwen gave a surprised laugh. "You're terrible, do you know that?" she said, side-stepping the question so deftly that Gwaine grinned and was certain he had his answer. "But about Lance - I wanted to thank you for being so understanding. Most men wouldn't have been."

"You'll find that I'm not like most men." He did his best to sound hopelessly wounded but knew he was far too amused by the entire situation to be very convincing. "You don't know what you've missed out on. Alas, sweet Gwen! We just weren't meant to be."

"You. Are. _Awful_."

Gwaine waited until her giggles subsided before he spoke again. "I'm happy for you. I hope things work out."

"I hope so, too. Lance is so sweet, he's just the loveliest person ever, really." She trailed off, and her happy sigh was shortly followed by an awkward gasp. "Not that you aren't lovely! Because you are. Really lovely, I mean. Um."

"You don't have to explain."

"No, you see, I didn't call you just to thank you. It's just that, well, you _are_ lovely, I really do mean that, and - and - there's no way of asking this properly, but - do you like men? Only I - well, I mean, I couldn't help noticing how you looked at Lance last night and - oh, I hope I'm not prying or anything-"

"Gwen! It's all right," he said, laughing. "I like everything. I mean it. _Everything_."

"Oh!" She sounded delighted. "Because I have this friend, Merlin, and I think you two would get on really well."

His laughter stopped abruptly. "Ah. That's very nice but I think I've had enough of blind dates for a while."

"But you'd like him! I know you would. He likes you already. I told him what you did last night and he thought you sounded very sweet."

"That's because he doesn't know me," Gwaine said, surprising himself.

Gwen made a disapproving sound. "Why would you say something like that?"

Gwaine thought back to his conversation with Arthur and frowned. "Because people always get sick of me," he mumbled. "You would've too, if you'd stuck around long enough."

He wasn't sure why he was telling her this, but before he could feel embarrassed Gwen spoke again, sounding quiet and stern and not hesitating at all.

"I don't know where you got that idea from, but I don't believe it for a moment. And you shouldn't think it either, because it isn't true. I know it isn't."

It wasn't often that Gwaine found himself speechless but he didn't fancy arguing with Gwen when she used that tone of voice.

"So," she went on brightly, as if he hadn't just poured out his heart and told his deepest fear to an almost-stranger. "Shall I tell Merlin to meet you at the same place next week?"

*

Normally Gwaine wouldn't dream of protesting if a leggy blonde decided to join him for dinner but he'd been expecting someone else. Someone who happened to be a man.

"Hi Gwaine," she said, smiling brightly as she helped herself to the seat across from him.

"Hello," he said, going for a friendly, neutral sort of smile instead of his usual flirty one. He'd learned the hard way that a cautious greeting was preferable when encountering someone he might have forgotten meeting. Or sleeping with.

"This is a nice place," she said, looking around. She didn't seem to notice his growing discomfort. "Arthur's told me a lot about you."

Gwaine narrowed his eyes. "Arthur?"

"I can't promise that all of it was good," she said, still grinning. "But you know how Arthur is."

Gwaine fought the impulse to bury his head in his hands. Everything made sense now - he was on another of Arthur's blind dates, but this time it was one Arthur had neglected to tell him about.

And another date would be walking through the door any moment now.

One of these days he really, _really_ was going to kill Arthur.

"Ah," he said, forcing a smile. "About that. It seems-"

"Gwaine?"

They both glanced up and found a young man standing beside their table, looking between them uncertainly. He matched Gwen's description of Merlin right down to the red scarf he apparently never took off (Gwaine had been looking forward to being the one that finally succeeded in removing it) and really, when had Gwaine's life become so complicated?

He sighed, well aware that they were both staring at him, and gave them the most charming smile he could manage.

"I can explain."

*

"Arthur sounds like a real arse," Merlin said later, after he and the leggy blonde, who was actually called Elena, had listened to Gwaine's sorry tale of awkwardness with a surprising amount of patience and understanding (and plenty of drinks to go around).

"Oh, he is," Gwaine assured him. Elena nodded vigorously. "But he means well. He wouldn't cause a mix up like this on purpose. Arthur prides himself on playing matchmaker for his friends. It's one of his favourite ways to boss all of us around. I think he imagines himself living the life of some sort of modern day Jane Austen heroine, only without the dresses."

Elena suddenly grinned. "Look what he sent me," she said, digging through her bag for her mobile. She scrolled through her messages and then turned the phone around so they could see a photo of an appallingly drunk Gwaine in a very slinky red frock. Arthur being Arthur, he had of course cropped himself (and his own very short, very tight silver dress) out of the photo.

"Well," Gwaine amended, "without dresses most of the time."

"Like I said," Merlin said cheerfully. "A real arse." His smile grew as he took a closer look at the picture. "And that's a really nice arse on you, too."

Gwaine promptly choked on his drink. "I'm surprised you still came here tonight after seeing that picture," he said, after Elena had pounded him on the back and he stopped coughing.

"I thought you seemed interesting," she said with a shrug, before glancing at Merlin and smiling in a way that could only be described as incredibly and irredeemably wicked. "Besides, I suppose you could say I liked what I saw, too."

"You're both taking this very well," Gwaine said carefully, after he'd finished choking a second time. "I'm sorry this evening turned out to be such a disaster."

"I wouldn't call it a disaster," Merlin said, still sneaking glances at Elena's phone. "Nope. Not a disaster at all."

"Neither would I," she said, sipping her drink. "Instead of one gorgeous date I have two. I'm not complaining."

Gwaine blinked. This wasn't how he'd imagined things would go - not that he'd had much time to imagine anything at all. But if he'd had a chance, he would've pictured tears and shouts and slammed doors and not - well, not this. Not understanding and acceptance and Elena and Merlin apparently coming to some silent, mutual decision to go along with it.

Gwaine smiled. _Going along with it_ had always been his speciality.

"Ah, but you see, I have certain standards to live up to," he said.

Elena arched her eyebrows, looking amused. "Like what?"

"I always bring a lady a flower. If I'd known how this evening would turn out, I would have brought a flower for you and worn a dress for Merlin. As you can see, I have neither."

"That is indeed a disaster," Elena agreed, biting her lip to keep from laughing.

"But one easily fixed," Merlin replied, suddenly handing her a small, perfectly shaped rosebud. "We can work on the dress later," he added with a grin.

"Oh! It's beautiful," she said, bringing it to her nose to sniff. "Thank you, Merlin."

Gwaine looked at Merlin in surprise. "Where have you been hiding that all this time?"

Merlin glanced from side to side and leaned forward as though he were about to reveal a deep, dark secret. Gwaine couldn't help but lean closer too, and out of the corner of his eye he saw Elena doing the same.

"I'm a bit magic," Merlin whispered and somehow he managed to press another flower, identical to Elena's, into the palm of Gwaine's hand.

Elena laughed, looking delighted, but Gwaine could only stare down at the rose in disbelief. When he looked up again he saw Merlin watching him, his eyes dancing merrily, and Gwaine had no idea what was really going on but he couldn't help smiling in return.

Maybe there was something to this blind date business after all.

*

When Gwaine woke the next morning he was aware of three things:

1\. The sun was shining in his face,  
2\. His mobile was ringing,  
3\. His arms and legs were so tangled with other arms and legs that he'd never be able to reach the phone in time.

Merlin saved the day by grabbing the phone and jabbing at the keys blindly until it stopped ringing. "Hello?" he muttered almost as an afterthought, his voice thick with sleep.

His hair was sticking up in odd little tufts all over his head. Gwaine studied the way the sunlight curled between the hairs and shone through Merlin's ears and he was so distracted by the warm fondness that worked its way up his chest that he was startled when Merlin spoke again, sounding indignant.

"This is Merlin. What do you mean, _who the hell is Merlin_? Who are you? Hang on, is this Arthur? You're even more of an idiot than I thought!"

With a sigh Gwaine disentangled himself enough so that he could sit up and take the phone from Merlin. He could hear Arthur's ranting even before he got it to his ear. "Good morning, princess."

"Don't 'princess' me!" Arthur sputtered. "What happened to Elena?"

"Elena?" Gwaine feigned ignorance. "Oh, do you mean the lovely lady you forgot to tell me about?"

"Of course I told-" He trailed off, and Gwaine grinned as he listened to Arthur flicking through his mobile in the background as he tried and failed to find a message that would prove he'd informed Gwaine about Elena.

"It was an oversight," Arthur said a moment later, and Gwaine knew this was the closest he'd get to an apology. "But that's still not an excuse for your behaviour! I can't believe you'd dishonour Elena and run off with that - that _Mer_ lin fellow. You-"

"Oh God," Elena groaned as her head poked out of the cocoon of blankets. "Let me talk to him."

She leaned over Gwaine's shoulder and pressed the speakerphone button. "You needn't worry about my honour, Arthur. I had an absolutely wonderful evening with Gwaine _and_ Merlin. And you of all people should know that I'm not easily impressed."

Gwaine didn't know if he was laughing more at Elena's suggestive tone or the way Arthur squeaked when she said it.

"You - you're not - are you really- _three_ of you? Together?"

"Yes, Arthur," they said in unison.

He squeaked again and hung up the phone.

"I think we broke him," Elena said solemnly, still leaning her chin on Gwaine's shoulder.

"It's a shame," Merlin said. "I would've liked meeting him. He can't be that bad, really, if he's friends with the two of you." He frowned, considering this for a moment. "Then again, he called me a wanton harlot just now. He _is_ an idiot."

"You never know," Elena said, inching closer. "He might phone back."

Merlin grinned. "Want to break him some more?"

"A man and a woman after my own heart," Gwaine said, dropping the phone on to the bed and letting them both drag him down under the blankets again.

Later, as he lay on his side watching Elena and Merlin trade soft, lazy kisses, Gwaine became aware of a tiny beeping sound coming from somewhere in the vicinity of his left knee.

He wriggled down under the blankets and retrieved his phone. It chirped again in his hand and he clicked through to find a text from Arthur.

_You are a scoundrel and a rogue and I expect a full report tomorrow. :D_

Gwaine smiled down at the phone. Just then a hand curled around his arm, and another pressed against his back, and he looked up to see Merlin and Elena both reaching out to him, their expressions looking curious and fond and expectant all at once.

"Hey," Merlin said. "You weren't thinking of leaving, were you?" He sounded light-hearted enough but his eyes seemed to be searching him, as though he half-expected to see Gwaine disappear at any moment. Gwaine wondered how much Gwen had told him of their conversation and how much Merlin had figured out on his own, somehow. He realised that it didn't matter at all because he had no intention of going anywhere.

Maybe it was because things began so awkwardly the night before that everything that happened afterward had exceeded Gwaine's expectations in every way possible. Maybe it was because they'd all fallen into bed together laughing, or because Merlin's right ear was still a pale pink from sleeping on his side, or because Elena's hair was soft and wispy like a dandelion in the morning, but whatever it was, Gwaine knew that he didn't want to let it go. For the first time in his life there was nowhere he wanted to run to, no place he'd rather be than right here with Merlin and Elena.

"Nah," he said, letting the phone fall on to the blankets once more. "I'm not going anywhere."

Merlin smiled then, letting his hand run up Gwaine's spine to tug gently at his hair, but Elena was more impatient.

"Then get over here," she said, yanking him down for a kiss. Gwaine let himself melt into it, feeling Merlin curling around his back and pressing close to kiss his neck and underneath his jaw. He let out a breath that he felt like he'd been holding for a lifetime and decided that if this was what not running away felt like, he could get used to it.


End file.
